Are We Running in Fear?

So this blog drives me crazy, don't know how to post pictures and i'm horrible at typing just the link. Any help would be appreciated.

Anyways...

So I sat up in bed last night for a long time just thinking. Thought about what fear is? Fear of things, not so much a "nightmare" fear. What is it that causes people, like myself, to run from many things in life. I am being very vague here I know. I heard a sermon once, where the pastor talked about how we are afraid of God's love. We are afraid to be accepted and in that fear we run from love. Total acceptance and real love, i believe, means the ugly parts of us too.

Thanks to one of my classes, i had the privlege of reading a book by Parker Palmer (the title has completely slipped my mind...granted that was read about two years ago). Within the few pages Palmer talks about the shadows that we cast. The depths below, that we need to crawl in, to work through the muck. Go in the depths in order to come out again and understand what we project on others. To be aware and yet be responsible for the new knowlege (and maybe i'm wrong on that description of the book). Yet i loved the book because it introduced me to a lot. Every since, I wrote a horrible paper on the book, because i didn't understand it at the time, I have been determined to re-write my paper and ask the question, "what shadows do i cast?" My determination has been somewhat dwindiling, yet the actions of discovery is still alive.

Why is it, that everything pulls me away from what is most important...prayer and silence. The One who loves me the most is the one i avoid the greatest sometimes. Yet when there is that time, it is the most valuable time ever spent. Why do we run from the Father who loves us the most? Fear of actually being loved when we honestly do not deserve it. Interesting.

Not a complete thought yet, but I just felt like posting....